Beating Broke

Personal Finance from the Broke Perspective

Special Things You Can Do For Your Spouse During a Difficult Time

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Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it. What you do during difficult times determines whether you’ll come out of it better or bitter. Things could get even tighter when you have a loved one going through a hard time. Below are three special things you can do for your spouse during a difficult time.

1. Check on Them

Everybody needs a shoulder to lean on, especially during challenging times. Supporting a loved one isn’t a one-time thing. It’s a lifestyle that involves being able to intentionally check in on them whenever you notice a behavior change.

Your “intrusion” may or may not be appreciated initially, depending on past similar experiences or personality differences. However, it’s essential to show genuine concern even when you can’t fathom the gravity of the matter. When you notice something is off, perhaps because your spouse is irritable, angry, isolated, feeling down, or not being their usual self, a simple “Are you okay?” can be a good starting point.

However, this only works if your spouse is more forthcoming with their emotions. It’s not a one-card-fits-all, so if your spouse is not forthcoming with their feelings, find ways of reaching out to them. Try to ease the tension and cheer up your spouse. Reach out to them according to their language of love.

For instance, if your wife loves flowers, go out of your way and buy them to reassure her you are in her corner and that whatever she is fighting, you can fight it together as a team. Win them over, show them appreciation, and you don’t have to wait for special occasions. According to BIGresearch, on Mother’s Day, $1.9 billion worth of flowers is purchased. All these attempts should be targeted at getting to know the source of the problem.

2. Create a Conducive Environment for Dialog

Make yourself a safe space for your partner to pour out their hearts and expose their insecurities without fear of victimization. Be a pillar of strength that your spouse can lean on depending on how they react to stress. Find ways of getting them to share their concerns. Listen and pay attention to both their verbal and non-verbal communication. Be sure to stay within your mandate.

Try not to make the problem about you. Be empathetic to your spouse without losing focus and becoming part of the problem. Help them be part of the solution by appealing to their strength. Remind them of their past victories without belittling their current situation. If your partner needs space, let them know it’s okay and assure them you’re available whenever they need you.

The average American spends about 90% of their life indoors, according to the American Lung Association. Create a comfortable, conducive environment in your home for your spouse. Don’t be overly critical. Be sensitive; listen more and measure your words to avoid jeopardizing a delicate situation. Encourage them to speak more, and if it’s beyond your competence, suggest a suitable alternative. One of the best gifts you can give your spouse is your time.

3. Be Supportive

Small, sweet gestures can be the much-needed break your spouse needs as they take care of their mental health. For example, if your spouse is an automobile enthusiast, it’s healthy to grant them some me-time to work on their car as a stress reliever. Such gestures should be highly welcome since they allow one to blow off steam non-destructively.

Allowing your spouse to engage in a DIY project can be pretty therapeutic. They may choose to paint a room or rearrange furniture. The global market for automotive paint is expected to reach $23,244 million by 2027, up from $18,023.8 million in 2021, according to Astute Analytica.

Take care of your mental health before attempting to help someone. Your well-being is critical in helping your spouse through a difficult time. You need to think objectively, even when your spouse sees you as a villain, without getting offended, which is easier said than done.

Raising a Child Does Not Cost as Much as the USDA Estimates

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According to the USDA’s 2010 report, raising a child costs at least $220,000.  This cost is the average cost a middle-class family pays for shelter, food, health care, clothing, transportation, child care, education and other expenses.  They further break down the average cost per child per year as $11,800 to $13,880.  Yikes!  If you are on the fence about having kids, this report will certainly sway you in the direction of remaining childless.

However, as a mom to three kids, I can attest (as many other parents including Beating Broke can), that it doesn’t have to be this way.    My husband and I have three kids, which, according to the report, should run us a minimum of $35,400 a year, not including our other expenses.  My husband is just completing his Ph.D. and starting his career.  While we count on him being able to make a large salary in the future, right now between his job and my part-time work from home, we are making a little less than $40,000.  We are most definitely not spending $35,400 a year on our kids.  Here is how we cut corners:

–Shop for clothes at garage sales.  Babies and little kids don’t really care about their clothes; you can find fashionable, barely worn clothing at garage sales for less than $1 per piece or outfit.  Save money this way.  I know it is tempting to buy those adorable, brand new baby clothes, but babies outgrow outfits in weeks.  Let someone else spend their money buying those clothes so you can snatch them up for pennies at a garage sale.  If you don’t go to garage sales, check out Craigslist or eBay.

SAM SAJAN THOMAS–Breastfeed if possible.  Not every woman is able or willing to breastfeed, but if you are, breastfeeding can save nearly $1,000 that would have to be spent on formula for the first year of the child’s life.

–Use cloth diapers.  Cloth diapers do require a large financial investment upfront, but they will last for the two to three years your child is in diapers, and they may even last for use by your next child.  If cloth diapers make you squeamish, make sure to never pay retail for disposable diapers.  By finding deals and using coupons, you should be able to reduce your diaper cost significantly.

–Accept all hand-me-downs.  If you are the lucky recipient of hand-me-downs, please take them.  Honestly, for a newborn, the only thing you need to buy brand new is a crib mattress and a car seat, for safety reasons.  Everything else such as strollers, toys, cribs, clothes, etc. can be given as a hand-me-down or bought second hand.

There are some costs that you can’t save money on such as day care and health care.  In all the other areas, there are ways to cut corners.  Get in the practice of cutting corners when children are small and save the difference.  Forgo the brand new outfits and large ticket items like a crib and instead go secondhand and save the difference.  Bigger expenses loom ahead such as college.  As Beating Broke stated in an earlier post, Stop Adding Up the Cost of Raising Children.  It is possible to raise them for significantly less than the government suggests.

What are your suggestions for saving money when raising children?

photo credit: Sukanto Debnath

Why We’re Spending More on Our Kids Now

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Teens laying on the ground in a circle with their heads together looking up and smiling

My husband and I have been on a tight budget throughout our marriage. Every year when summer rolled around, we tried to find free activities for the kids. That was easier because they were young and didn’t care as much. They liked going out to do things, free or not. However, our perspective has changed since the pandemic and living through social isolation. We’re spending more on our kids now, especially during the summer.

How This Summer Looks Different than Other Summers

This is the first summer that’s felt like “normal” since the pandemic, so we want to go out and do more.

In addition, our oldest son has moved out and is in college, and our younger two are now teenagers. We realize how quickly time goes and that we only have a few more years to make memories with our younger two while they still live with us.

We moved late last summer, and over the past nine months, our kids have made solid friendships and want to hang out with their friends. Luckily, we parents get along, too.

Finally, my husband and I are in a more comfortable financial position than ever, so we have a little wiggle room in the budget to do some fun activities that cost more than we usually spend.

What Activities Are We Doing This Summer?

We’re still searching for and enjoying free activities. We already went to the beach with friends and plan to do it again. We also plan to see a free Shakespeare play in a local park and attend some free concerts in the area. In addition, we got Kids Bowl Free passes and are bowling once or twice a week. (We did spend $16 for a season bowling shoe rental pass for each girl plus me and $30 for a pass for my husband and me to bowl, so this activity isn’t completely free.)

However, we’re also spending more and in ways that we haven’t before. These activities are new to us:

Ballroom Dancing

The girls are joining a group of friends and taking ballroom dance lessons. This will cost us $40 per girl per month, so $80 a month.

Attending a Concert

Their friend group is also going to see Fall Out Boy in concert. The girls are so excited to go to their first concert! Tickets were $66 a piece, which we said no to. However, when there was a flash sale and tickets were $25 a piece, we said yes. So the concert cost us $100.

Rock Climbing

Man climbing at an indoor rock climbing location

A local rock-climbing business has monthly passes for $75 per person, so the girls will get those one month this summer. It will cost us $150, but they will have unlimited access to the rock-climbing studio and all classes, so we plan to go there several times a week.

Final Thoughts

We aren’t being extravagant, but we are spending more this summer on activities with and for our kids. However, we’re still enjoying free activities to balance out the expenses. After the pandemic and our son moving out, we realize time is precious, and sometimes we must spend money to make memories.

Do your expenses go up in the summer? If so, what do you splurge on?

Read More

8 Free and Cheap Things to Do with Kids This Summer

How We’re Saving on Entertainment Costs

How to Live Without Money